mountainedge - denver, co

Beyond Healing

2010-11-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

Hebrews 12:2
"looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Through the years, my theology on faith and healing has been severely challenged by my experiences. I desire to have a theology that is both consistent with scripture yet explains my experiences. Like many Christians, I have been immersed in teachings of faith, healing, and God's love that claim that healing is for today, that God wants to heal us, and we can be healed by faith. Yet my experiences of losing three children, of praying for people to be healed and not seeing them healed in spite of building my faith through reading the word and spending time with God, etc. is that not many people have been healed, including those closest to me and the ones that were the most important. On the other hand, I witnessed a miraculous healing many years ago when I saw a leg that had been damaged in a car wreck grow out. I also saw my oldest son healed of Giardia when he was a few months old.

I long for more healing to happen. I desire to see hospitals emptied, that cures for diseases like cancer and Alzheimer’s be found. As part of my longing, I have been seeking God to understand what is going on with the lack of healing.

Yesterday I visited two children in the hospital. One is a two year old that was revived from drowning and has lost significant brain function. His parents are overwhelmed with guilt and blame themselves. The other was a six year old that was born with cerebral palsy and had recently endured another 12 hour surgery in an attempt to increase function in his legs. In addition to that challenge, his older brother, age 23, was killed in a car accident 3 weeks ago. The family is grieving that loss on top of this.

It was heartbreaking to be with the two families as they struggled through their challenges. Both families had deep faith which was being severely tested. I want an answer for them that brings comfort and hope.

From my studies, personal prayer time, and understanding of scriptures, I have concluded:

1. It is not that God can't heal; He is the creator of the universe and can do anything.

2. It is not that God doesn't want to heal. He is our heavenly father and He wants the best for us. His heart hurts when we suffer just like my heart hurts when my sons suffer.

3. It is not a lack of faith on our part. I have seen God move many times in spite of our faith. He does want us to walk in faith, but if healing depends on what we bring to the table, we can fall into a performance based gospel devoid of grace.

What does that leave me then with as an explanation for the lack of healing?

Once in a time of prayer, I felt like the Holy Spirit said "I would explain it to you but you wouldn't understand" as I referenced in an earlier posting. I think the answer to the lack of healing may be along the same lines.

I believe in cases where we are walking in faith, where we have prayed and believed and the manifestation of healing has not come, God has something better in mind for us. I know that can be hard to imagine for the couple whose son was drowned and revived and now faces incredible difficulties or for the family in the hospital who just lost another son. It has certainly been hard for me to accept as I walked through the crushing loss of our children.

The implication of this position is that suffering can be for our benefit. I hate this suggestion because I hate suffering. I get frustrated when I think that something painful, especially for my children, that seems to have no good reason, does have a reason that I don't understand. And I REALLY don't want this to become an excuse to not believe God for healing or to not ask for it. We are commanded to keep on asking and to keep on believing. We can't afford to get lazy or give up. There is too much at stake.

But in cases where it doesn't come forth, we can still trust God because He is a just God and will make things right before the story is finished. There is still something "before us" as it was before Jesus.

I believe there are life principles that "everything worth having costs something" and "overcoming resistance builds strength". These principles are true in the physical and spiritual realms and apply as we walk through bad times.

God didn't cause my sons to have a rare brain disease to teach me something or to build my spiritual strength. He is a good God! But He has used those painful experiences of suffering to give me an opportunity to directly serve someone who couldn't take care of themselves (my sons), to bring me through those experiences to show others you can survive them, to build a reward for Debbie and I in heaven based on our faithfulness that He caused us to have. He has caused all things to work together for good, and not just for my good, but for the good of others.

Jesus did not rejoice because of the suffering of the cross set before Him. He rejoiced at what was on the other side. We are not called to rejoice at the loss of our children, or the painful suffering that is common in the world. But we can rejoice in the hope of that which is beyond what we can see now.

So based on the scripture above, I have chosen to trust God, the creator of the universe, my heavenly father that loves me more than I can fathom, that there is a reward on the other side of this suffering. Jesus was able to see it and He is my example.

I will keep asking and keep believing and I will support efforts to end suffering at every level of humanity. This is my charge and my calling, to comfort those with the comfort I have been comforted with. I will continue to fight for healing and trust my loving Father when it doesn’t come.

Marriage Survival in Difficult Times

2010-07-13T16:30:00.000-07:00

My pastor recently asked me "How have you and Debbie stayed married through your difficult times?" Here is my response:

Background

Besides the normal difficulty facing today’s marriages, Debbie and I have experienced two types of tragedy that typically destroy marriages: “long, drawn out, painful, fight to the death tragedy where we lost a child in the end” and “sudden, unexpected death of a child”.

We had two severely handicapped children with a rare brain disease that ended the lives of our third and fourth sons, Nathan and David, at the ages of 5 ½ and 6 ½ in 1996 and 1998 after years of fighting for their lives. Then in 2008, our 19 year old son, Matthew, was killed in an accident when his friend was driving drunk.

Challenges to our marriage in difficult times

There are many issues couples face when losing a child that normal marriages don’t encounter. However, pressure, stress, and conflict affect every marriage.

We experienced financial pressure when I was unable to pay bills and when I made bad financial decisions, overwhelming stress when the doctors misdiagnosed the medical problems and the treatments caused our children unnecessary and excruciating pain, long-term stress caused by constant exhaustion from lack of sleep and conflict caused by our own stubbornness and selfishness.

Over the years, the biggest threat to our marriage both then and now for me (Mark) has been my personal selfishness.

My selfishness was manifested in my attitudes of anger and hatefulness when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to go. And when things were not going my way, I wanted people to change or my circumstances to change. Many times, God wanted ME to change which was hard to admit and even harder to accomplish.

An example of the conflict created by my selfishness was the fierce arguments over how our children should be raised or cared for. Even with healthy children, parents often disagree over rules, boundaries, discipline, and parenting style. With two severely handicapped children under the care of multiple doctors, we also disagreed about how their care should be administered. Our disagreements raged as heated arguments full of threats, anger, accusations, recriminations and self-destruction.

A different type of stress occurred when Matthew was killed in the accident. Sudden, overwhelming grief from loss is blindingly painful and our natural reaction is to want the pain to go away. And in order to stop the pain, we try to identify the cause of the pain (blame), so we can make sure “that” never happens again.

The most common target for blame is our spouse and God. I also blamed myself for not doing enough as a father to keep him away from friends that were leading him down paths of destruction. Blaming myself caused shame and guilt. Blaming Debbie made me angry at her. Blaming God fractured my relationship with him because I thought I could no longer trust Him.

Eventually, stress, division, and conflict lead to attitudes of hopelessness and despair that things will not change and desperate measures are in order. For me, I lost hope that my circumstances would ever change and I became blinded to the future. When we had Nathan and David, I lost hope that they would ever be healed or be able to take care of themselves. It felt like it would always be “that way”. I believed my children would always be sick, that Debbie and I would always disagree, and that my finances would always be a struggle. After Matthew’s accident, I thought our marriage would always be stuck in blame and that we would always act the way we were acting, out of hurt, pain, and anger.

Hopelessness and despair led me to consider suicide and divorce many times. By God’s tremendous, extreme love, grace and mercy, and through ABSOLUTELY no merit of my own, we have survived and our marriage has survived. By His Holy Spirit, He has given me revelation at key moments that have helped us make it this far. Here is some of what He has shown me.

Strategies for Hope and Healing

Selfishness is overcome by “crucifying” my desires

I can make the choice that “what I want is not as important as what God wants” or “what my wife needs”. And when I lay down my desires by a choice, I submit my will to “death on the cross”. It may be painful, but it will yield eternal, life-giving fruit.

Everything I do motivated by selfishness leads to pain and death. Everything I do motivated by the Holy Spirit will lead to life.

Do NOT make life decisions in times of great crisis.

Somewhere along the way, a wise person gave me this advice. The practical application for me was to make two decisions.

Regardless of what is happening, I will not leave Debbie during this time of crisis.

I will not make any major life decisions until at least 90 days after the “crisis” is over.

Create a “Grace bubble”

After Matthew’s accident, my counselor, Phyllis Mathis, helped me understand that Debbie and I were deeply wounded emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually by events and that as wounded people, our behavior would flow from our hurt. We would lash out, be angry, be sad, etc. and say and do things that we would not normally do. Elements of our personality would be revealed that were previously unknown and would not represent who we normally were.

Each person processes grief differently and at different rates. Sometimes, a person can get stuck on one part of the process. The process is not linear. In other words, the components may include anger, negotiation, regret, resignation. One day we may experience anger, the next day negotiation, and the next day return to anger.

Her suggestion was to think of Debbie as being in a “spiritual ICU”, intensive care unit. Within the ICU, I could create a “Grace bubble” where Debbie could say or do anything and I would extend her grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I had to extend grace for whatever the day brought. When my wife said something very hurtful, I had to remember that she was hurt and saying things from that place. She may not mean what she is saying today or tomorrow, she will feel differently.

Most importantly, I would recognize my need for grace and give her what I needed.

When we got married, I knew she was not perfect but I loved her anyway. The value of loving her was worth more than the pain caused by our differences.

You have to make the right choice over and over, sometimes many times per day. You only have to make a bad choice once.

I have had to make the choice to stay married many times. In fact, I have had to make that choice every time selfishness took over my thinking or hurt overwhelmed my emotions.

If I had made a choice to divorce or leave, I would have only had to make it once.

Circumstances WILL change

What you are experiencing now will NOT last. It may last years, but it WILL “come to PAST”. The possibilities for change are infinite. Trust God that things will get better!

God wants to speak directly to you about your circumstances.

Press into your relationship with Him with the foundation of knowing that in spite of what we experience, He REALLY LOVES me. His words will bring light, life, and hope.

The Spirit and Power of Elijah

2009-12-16T16:01:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, as a group of us were studying Luke 1, I caught something for the first time that I had not seen before. In verse 17, as Gabriel was speaking to Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, he said that John would walk in “the Spirit and Power of Elijah, turning the hearts of the Fathers to the Children and the disobedient to the wisdom of righteousness” (NIV).

I had never seen the relationship to “the Spirit and Power of Elijah” to “turning the hearts of the fathers to the children” or “turning the disobedient to the wisdom of righteousness”.

In the late 80’s there was an outpouring of the prophetic among the churches in North America. For the last 20 years, the prophetic movement has grown through adversity, correction, and adjustment. Many believers now walk in an awareness of prophecy and are open to giving and receiving direct words of encouragement from one another as words from the Lord. However, as wonderful as these words sometimes are, there is a deeper responsibility that comes with “the Spirit and Power of Elijah”.

Elijah is the prime representation of the prophetic movement in the Old Testament to the nation of Israel. He is referred to in scripture as the example of both an outpouring of the power of God (I Kings 18:20-40) and answered prayer of a faithful man (James 5:17,18). At the mount of transfiguration, Jesus met with Moses, the representation of the Law, and Elijah, the representation of the prophetic. What “the Spirit and Power of Elijah” represents is as relevant today as it ever was.

In the context of Elijah’s story, the nation of Israel had steadily abandoned God’s ways through multiple generations of kings leading up to Ahab (sounds vaguely familiar to what we have witnessed in America over the last couple of generations). However, the responsibility for the subtle drift from righteousness to idolatry that spanned several generations is laid on fathers who maybe out of neglect, distraction, or ignorance inadvertently left their children to be swayed by the influence of the world around them.

As a man who cried out in intercession for his people with great passion, Elijah longed to see them repent.

Malachi 4, a passage also associated with the Spirit and Power of Elijah states that when fathers abandon their responsibility to their children, a curse is released in the earth. I would suggest despair, violence, lawlessness, and disregard for life in the inner city (or anywhere for that matter) where fathers have not fulfilled their role is an example of the curse Malachi warned us about.

I believe it is time for us, as representatives who received the blessings of the prophetic, to mature to the next level. This next level is one where the prophetic gifting along with intercessory prayer results in community responsibility with a calling to fathers and the disobedient.

The practical application of this word, while carrying huge responsibility, is beyond just our natural children. It includes our spiritual children as Paul said, “you have many teachers but not many fathers” (1 Corinthians 4:15 ).

The role of fathering includes: calling and blessing our children into their destiny, representing righteousness to them, setting standards in love and grace, serving them as they pursue their own relationship to our loving heavenly father, praying for them, and much more.

The result of this revelation is that my expectation for the prophetic has changed. I am looking forward to new outpourings of gifts including the miraculous backed by intense intercessory prayer as I lead those with whom I have a fathering role into deeper relationship with Him.

Radio Program

2009-08-28T14:40:00.001-07:00

For those who missed it, Debbie and I were guests on a local radio program last Sunday morning sharing our story of losing 3 sons. Our intent in sharing this is to offer hope and encouragement that God can bring you through difficult times. It is now available for listening at the link below. It is about 25 minutes long. Feel free to share.

http://www.missioncriticalis.com/radio-20090823.mp3

Quantum Mechanics and "why"

2009-08-08T14:55:00.001-07:00

In college, I took a Physics course called "Quantum Mechanics". It was about the nature of the atom and how it behaved. On the first day of the course, the professor, Dr. Sherry, said "Write down everything I say. For the first 7 weeks, it won't make any sense. In 7 weeks, it will either all come together and you will understand or you won't. Those who understand will make an A on the final and get an A in the class, the rest will fail". The joke on campus was there are only two who understood Quantum Mechanics, Dr. Sherry and God, and God doesn't have office hours. I remember the first several weeks were overwhelmingly confusing, primarily because the language used to describe the subject was foreign to me, and it was based on concepts I had never been exposed to.

One day, when talking with our Father about the "why" in the loss of David, our fourth son, I believe His words to my heart were along the lines of "you don't have the framework of understanding for me to answer your question" or basically, you wouldn't understand if I told you.

Over the last 2 years, I've gotten to see an active volcano in Hawaii, the "caldera" of Yellowstone, and the majesty of Alaska. In all three cases, I was overwhelmed by the size and awesomeness of what was before me. I felt small, insignificant and a bit afraid at the power of what was in front of me and what had caused it to be.

It is no wonder that the God who created Hawaii, Yellowstone, and Alaska, has trouble explaining to me, who can't figure out pretty simple things like how an atom behaves, "why".

Torah Study and Sexual Sin

2009-06-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

I love studying the Torah. I recognize this sounds strange to most Christians, but the awesome revelation I've gotten each time of God's amazing love in the Torah has been priceless.

I am not looking for a set of regulations to live my life by. I open my heart to whatever the Holy Spirit wants to say about that passage.

Over the last couple of weekends, the passages have contained the story of Moses and the command to lead an army against the Midianites. The Midianites are the ones who hired Balaam to come speak prophecy against the Nation of Israel and he ended up blessing them (remember Balaam's donkey). When the king of Midian realized that wouldn't work, he enlisted the women of Midian to seduce the leaders of Israel sexually.

Unfortunately, many Israelites succumbed to the temptation of sexual sin. Moses commanded the children of Israel to hang those who had participated in the sexual sin. But the influence of the sin had spread. So much so that at one point, an Israelite leader who had been seduced brought a prostitute to Moses and Aaron and slept with her in front of the entire camp.

Now it was REALLY BAD. A plague begin to spread through the camp. Before it was over, 24,000 people were dead, which is more than were killed in Korah's rebellion. But a young man who was zealous for God ran a spear through the Israelite leader and stopped the plague.

The principle I see here is that sexual sin releases plagues such as STD's and AIDS, generational curses (our children and their children are harmed when we indulge our sinful nature), derails us from our destiny, and hurts everyone around us. Sexual sin, even before marriage, breaks trust and damages the most honored, life giving relationship we can have, our marriage. It hurts us and the ones we love the most in a life scarring way.

So God in His infinite love and mercy, calls us to sexual purity. Not for His benefit, but for ours.

Many years ago, I almost had an affair. Even the "almost" was devastating to my marriage. I was seduced by the lure of the pleasure of sex, but like the town in a Western movie, the seduction was from a false reality, a facade that had no substance or value. It took a long time to rebuild trust in my marriage. My foolishness, lust, and pride lead to something that I can't undo and the remembrance is shameful.

Today, many of our leaders have been seduced into sexual sin and have forfeited their leadership authority and there are those who openly flaunt with pride, their sexual sin. My heart is not to condemn them, but it breaks to know what has been released into their lives, the lives of future generations and into our community.

I have seen glimpses of how much damage sexual sin can do and I rejoice in His infinite mercy and grace to me and my family that we have not felt the righteous judgment against us that was due from my choices. I look back and remember in the light of the truth of the Torah, great grace and mercy has been shown in my life. I see a beautiful expression of the kingdom of God when forgiveness occurs in marriages that He has redeemed from tragedy. I am reminded that His mercies are new every morning and great is His faithfulness. I have hope that He can cause all things (even my stupid selfishness, when I have turned and repented), to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I see how seriously God takes His word, and how His commandments bring life as David said in Psalms 119. Because when we follow them, we avoid unnecessary hurt, pain, death, and destruction.

Top Movies with a purpose

2009-04-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

I believe movies can be an excellent way to teach important life lessons. I am on a quest to identify the top 20 (or so) movies that teach important life lessons or character, or convey a very important life message. Here is my start. I will be updating the list as suggestions come in...

1. Schindler's List (Sacrifice for others)
2. Hotel Rwanda (Sacrifice for Others)
3. The Shawshank Redemption (Perseverance)
4. The Fifth Element (the power of Love to defeat evil)
5. Groundhog Day (taking advantage of circumstances to become a better person)
6. Band of Brothers (yes, I know this is a series, but overcoming incredible difficulty)
7. Rudy (going for your dreams)
8. Crash (prejudice is wrong)

My hope is to put together a collection of movies that is part of a curriculum.

I also intend to have a list of movies that are just great and everyone should see... later

A father's heart at Easter

2009-04-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

This year as the Passover/Easter/First Fruits/Resurrection season approached, I’ve wrestled with a “new for me” theological question. How could a father ask his son to give his life for others? I can understand how a brother would volunteer to give his life for his siblings as I would do for my brother or sister, but from a father’s perspective, this is different. As a father who has experienced the incredible pain of losing children, it has been beyond my comprehension that I would ever ask my sons to lay down their life for another. The pain I have experienced in losing each son (3 of them) seems to be greater than anything I can imagine that would be worth the loss. But there are two perspectives that point towards revelation I long to understand, an unfathomable love and resurrection.

This morning, as I joined a group of men to discuss the passage in the book of John recounting the crucifixion, I closely identified with Mary. We know that the disciples and those around Jesus (maybe including his mother) had not understood as He explained that His suffering was necessary to fulfill the scriptures. As a parent watching her child suffer, the pain and confusion Mary must have felt is unimaginable. She had birthed Jesus, nurtured him, raised him from childhood to adulthood, seen him step into a marvelous ministry of healing and life, now being tortured, bruised, beaten beyond recognition, and subjected to the worst form of death known. Where were his friends, his supporters, those he had healed, his disciples (the passage indicates only John and several women were there)? What was the purpose of this pain? Why was it happening? How could her child, which she believed to be the Messiah, end up here?

And yet now, centuries later, we look back with the perspective of hindsight and scripture’s explanation of the bigger picture and proclaim with confidence; we know; we understand; it was for “the whole world” to be reconciled in a relationship with the creator of the universe. It was because of love and an unknown “joy set before him”; the confidence and faith believing that resurrection would come, justice would be fulfilled, and new life would be possible.

But in my limited human understanding and as a father, I ask, what kind of love is this? What does this love see in us and for us that it would be willing to pay such a price? And can I see forward to a resurrection?

God in His infinite wisdom knows the beginning from the end and sees the whole picture. He understands far beyond my ability to comprehend. And His love is so much greater than I can begin to grasp. He obviously knew and understood the sacrifice that was necessary to achieve the goal of His love, a relationship with us. And beyond that, how resurrection would come and what it would mean. Abraham had a glimpse of this as stated in Hebrews 11:19 “concluding that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead”.

This year, I see that my love falls short of the measure of God’s love and my faith falls short of Abraham's. In this, I receive for me, that an unfathomable love has been demonstrated by a sacrifice for me and the world. Oh that I may understand such love and that I may love that deeply. May my eyes see with faith the resurrection that is coming for me, Matthew, Nathan, and David.

The answer for me is in two words, love and resurrection.

More on the "different" approach

2008-11-28T11:40:00.001-08:00

As my friend Glenn commented on my last posting, relativism seems to have taken hold. My guess is that this life philosophy was initiated in institutions of higher learning and spread from there to the media, which I would point to as the most influential component of "morals" in our culture. This would include things like newspaper editorials, the nightly news (especially coverage of "protests" and "documentaries on issues like the war"), the movies we watch, sitcoms, and talk shows.

I think some years ago, the mentality of the church became "separate but equal" (or even worse, separate but we are better than you). We created "christian universities", "christian radio", and "christian TV". In some cases, we even created "christian businesses". We become silo's of isolationist and our culture began to split.

Looking back, what if we had become so excellent in our chosen fields of teaching, journalism and entertainment, that we became the much sought after leaders in those fields for our innovation, comedy, creativity, accuracy, and truth. And from those positions of leadership, we became the best professors at Univ. of Calif. Berkley, the head of ABC/CBS/NBC, the developers of a multitude of TV shows like 7th Heaven instead of "The Simpsons", and we produced movies with a message that was so compelling, the production companies scrambled to produce more of them instead of scoffing at our attempts to make "christian movies" (e.g., Mel Gibson's "The Passion").

And besides being isolationist, our air superiority was so repulsive to the non-churched that they squealed with glee in smug justification when our leaders experienced very public moral failures because we had so thoroughly pronounced judgment on their "unacceptable" lifestyles and oozed condemnation instead of love.

Indeed, humility must be our first step and somewhere in the process, we must re-enter "the world" with a passion for excellence and faithfulness that will one day, return us to positions of influence.

Next Steps

2008-11-04T21:49:00.000-08:00

While I believe this election was a reaction to the Bush era, and Barak is very charismatic (not in the religious sense) leader, something deeper about our nation has been revealed.

For the last two decades, those that follow Jesus have had less and less of an influence in our society and culture. We have lost the battle on cultural values in the hearts of people and it has been reflected in the election results.

I believe we need to change our strategies. Besides prayer and humility, we may need to draw attention to true heart issues through a different approach to media. If I was leading the Republican National Committee tomorrow, I would begin a four year strategy that included weekly commercials and newspaper articles that called our nation to higher values.

More later...

Relief in Haiti

2008-10-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

My brother went to Haiti after four Hurricanes swept through there between August 15 and Sept. 7. The first two videos below are an introduction to the situation two weeks after the hurricanes. The third video is of Beaver Brooks and my brother Michael rescuing children from the flood ravaged area around Gonaives. There is sound on the third video, so if you are in an office environment, you may want to turn down the volume...

Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MtMtoiK78A

Part 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5ycZV9kCJE

Part 3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRKiNn2E7bQ

Living in the Unexpected

2008-08-28T09:52:00.000-07:00

Each new year's eve, we get together with a group of people to pray and listen for what may be coming up next year. One of the words Dec. 31, 2007 was "expect the unexpected". When I heard that, I thought "how do you expect an unknown?".

My answer off the top is to "be prepared". But again, "for what?". How do you prepare for something you have no idea about? If I was climbing Everest, I would prepare differently than if I was "Riding the Rockies". If I was going to be on an episode of "Jeopardy", I would prepare differently than if I was going to be on an episode of "The Price is Right". Maybe expectation has nothing to do with preparation.

I think we as a group have certainly lived with the unexpected this year and Debbie and I found about 2 weeks ago that we are still being called to that. For us, it means getting up each morning, preparing for the day as though we have appointments that are scheduled, but we don't get to see the calendar. I have to trust the coordination AND outcome to Him. (My trust has been deeply shaken and as I read in the Shack, I can only trust as much as I know His love)

A down side for those of us who like to feel like we are in control has been, "we don't get to plan things". This has been highlighted in Debbie's work. Her boss gives her instructions for the day somewhere between 7:00 am and 1:30 pm. Sometimes the instructions are "we don't have anything for you today" and she doesn't get that word until 1:30 pm. Sometimes, they are "go here, do this, at this time". Can you imagine getting up everyday not knowing whether you get to work that day. Forget trying to plan things like cleaning your house, going grocery shopping, eating lunch with a friend etc.

The same has been happening in my business in a big way too.

For me, it has been a "trust" walk to a new level, one that is mostly uncomfortable and potentially exciting at the same time.

I have also been frustrated because our prophetic gifting has fallen short of providing details and in my conversations with God, His words have been few.

Maybe "expecting the unexpected" means living in the world of "I have no idea of what is coming up, our prophetic gifting (future tense) is inadequate, and today I will be at my best, whatever that means..."

This may not be for everyone, but I do sense that we as a group have some more "unexpected" to deal with.

Who owns the data? SaaS today

2008-05-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

While I am a BIG supporter of SaaS (Software as a Service), smart businesses ask the fundamental question, "Who owns my data?". It's this question that is keeping some of our hosting customers from signing up with a popular accounting software provider for their qb hosting and using www.missioncriticalis.com instead.

Delhi Dispatch, Saturday. A day of extremes and contrasts.

2008-02-23T16:26:00.000-08:00

As I write this at 4:45 am local time, an unusual thing (to me) is happening here in Delhi. It is quite. Yesterday morning at this time, the city was still alive with car horns blaring and what seemed to be a throng just outside my window. Now it is quite. After all I saw yesterday, this is a surprise. Like many things in this city, silence must be a rare and beautiful thing.

Matt, our host, joined us yesterday morning with the excitement of a small child and the announcement that our plans were changing. For the first time in 8 years, the public was being allowed onto the grounds of the presidential residence and it would be worth it to see.

We arrived at the gate around 10:00 am with several thousand uniformed school children. The children were divided by grade and age with each class sporting a different combination of brightly colored sweaters, sophisticated looking dress shirts, and khaki pants. The children and their uniforms were more varied and beautiful than the gorgeous gardens we were about to see.

We seemed to be a rare thing for them to see too because they stared at us with big questioning eyes, bright smiles, and spontaneous laughter. When I returned the smiles, they acted like I was a famous rock star and wanted to try a conversation in broken English, shake my hand, or get an autograph. They would giggle and grin as the brave one among them got up enough courage to break the ice and make initial contact with the strangers (us). But it was always followed by a flood of excitement as they all wanted to talk once they realized we wouldn't bite.

The closest comparison I have seen to the presidential residence in the US is the Biltmore Estates in North Carolina. The Presidential home was about 3 times the size of our White House and was surrounded by acres of beautiful flower and herb gardens with a maze of pools and fountains. My favorites were the giant red and white dahlia's, some purple flower that I didn't recognize, and the circular garden.

After the Presidential residence, we went to Matt and Michele's home to eat a delicious lunch of chicken shwarma, indian style. Matt and Michele rent the second floor of a four story flat in a neighbor hood of contrasts. A lot across the street in one direction recently sold for $600K US. Five years ago, it had sold for about $100K. On the opposite corner was a piece of land adjacent to a Hindu temple where the priests were leading people in worshiping a deity that lived in a tree. There were (holy?) cows tied up next to a shack that looked like a homeless person had built from scraps of the city. It was where the priest lived.

After lunch, we attended Josiah's (Matt and Michele's son) soccer game. It was a typical Saturday morning event of parents (some overly enthusiastic), children, sports teams, cheering, excitement when someone scored, disappointment if your team lost, and after-game snacks with the announcement of when the next practice would occur. We could have been in Highlands Ranch with the exception that a cricket match was going on next door.

Our next stop was a walk through the busti. It was a very poor neighborhood (slum) that had grown up around a Muslim shrine. For those of you that have walked the maze of alleys leading to the via del a rosa in Jerusalem, the sight would be familiar. Tight, twisting alleys, strange smells, steps up and down, small shops where food is cooking, flowers, gifts or incense for sell, packed with people tripping over pitiful handicapped beggars leading to the gilded, flowered shrine of a man who died 750 years ago.

People had come to worship and say prayers to receive blessings. In some ways, it reminded me of other religious sites I have visited. Among the worshipers, there were the faithful dedicated followers who prayed and worshiped with intensity (including singing beautiful love songs to their Lord), the money changers selling items of this world to bring you closer to the spiritual realm, priests attempting to bless the people with an expectation of recognition by the real leaders or payment from those receiving, and elders teaching followers the way.

My heart was broken as I saw their intense hope placed in something that couldn't deliver any results, but the extreme poverty that surrounded them.

From the gorgeous gardens of the presidential residence to the impoverished beggars of the busti, I am sure I have never seen as great a contrast in a single day.

Delhi Dispatch, Day (or night) 1

2008-02-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

I would start by saying the flight over was uneventful, which is my favorite type of flight, but it wasn't. About 3 hours into the flight, an Indian women (probably in her 60's) collapsed about 2 rows away. She was alright after a doctor was called and they gave her some oxygen, but I wondered if it was something she ate. A couple of hours later, someone else required a doctor. Fortunately, we didn't have to land or turn around, but continued over vast expanses of ocean or desert.

The flight went like this: Settle in, watch a movie, eat a meal, and then realize you had only been in the air 2.5 hours and had 11.5 hours to go. Sleep a couple of hours and try again (eat, watch a movie). My plan was to avoid sleep since we would be arriving late in the evening, but like any good member of my family, I kept falling asleep (our family is famous for falling asleep anywhere, anytime, at any angle, with lots of people around).

We arrived at the airport, found our luggage, and met our hosts outside the terminal. The timing of their arrival was perfect and we made our way to the hotel. I thought there was fog, but later found it was smog (very thick). At first I believed Delhi traffic is like a slower version of Nascar. The lines for your lane are meaningless and the clearance between cars is measured in ½ inches (or centimeters) and ANY speed. Then I realized it was more like roller derby, we could roll down our window and elbow the driver in the next car to keep from being pushed off the track. Honking your horn here is considered a courtesy to let the person next to you know you are there and the drivers here attempt to be very polite with the horns.

My cell phone works just fine here, so I am leaving it turned off. My first attempt at sleep (our night is your day) was interrupted every few minutes with a call from someone in the US who didn't know it was 1:30 am here. In order to avoid a phone bill that was more expensive than the flight over, I will attempt to stay in touch with email and check messages twice a day.

Thanks so much for all your love and support. Debbie and I are among the wealthiest people in the world!!

Our hotel has wireless Internet access, so I will be able feed my email addiction. Future posts can be found here: http://mountainedge.blogspot.com.

Unifiied theory of the atom

2008-01-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

I acknowledge that I am not a physicist, nor do I play one on TV, but I do love physics and pondering the mysteries of the universe. When I was in high school, I remember my physics teacher suggesting there was no clear explanation of why protons with positive charges stayed together in the nucleus of the atom. Normally, things with the same charge repel each other and opposites attract. Several theories had been proposed, including "gluons", small particles that held the nucleus together like glue.

I would like to propose my theory...

I believe neutrons, while having an overall neutral charge, actually exist with a small negative charge on the surface and a positive charge in the core. The small negative charge on the surface is enough to attract and bond the positive charge of protons, holding the nucleus together. We observe the neutron as neutral in charge since the net effect of the negative surface and positive core is neutral.

Since I am not a member of the scientific community per se, I really don't know who to share this with, nor how to have the theory explored. If you know of anyone, please pass this along....

The 3 Elements of FAITH

2007-11-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

I believe I finally am beginning to understand faith. For years, verses like Hebrews 11:1 just didn't make sense to me ("...faith is the substance...", what's that all about Lord?) I realize now that there are three crucial components of faith... belief, obedience, and relationship. Faith starts and ends with relationship and in that relationship, we believe God and walk in obediance.

Belief. Belief is not faith. I can't believe enough and obtain the righteousness of God that only comes by faith. I can choose to believe something, but that doesn't make it true. If I don't believe something, that doesn't invalidate it. Belief is an indication of where my mind and heart is at, not an indication of reality.

What we believe about God frames our relationship with Him.

"Everyone that comes to God must believe that He is and the rewarder of them that diligently seek him." If I don't believe God is good or that God loves me, why would I want to have a relationship with him. What I believe about God will determine the type of relationship I have with Him. If I believe He is angry at me and looking for me to fail, I will walk in fear and obey because I fear bad things will happen if I don't obey. If I believe God loves me and is a loving father, I can obey Him with joy knowing everything He tells me has my best interest at heart.

Another perspective of belief would be saying "Yes, this can happen", as in "I believe God can raise the dead and heal the sick". It doesn't necessarily mean I expect it to happen.

"Even the demons believe and tremble" This verse seems to be an indication that one can know God and believe Him, but choose not to obey and therefore be certain that judgement will come. I wonder what demons believe about God?

So while belief is very important, it isn't faith.

Obedience. One of the things that characterize those in the FAITH hall of fame in Hebrews 11 is that they obeyed God. It is also the thing that represents the step above belief. Abraham believed God (resulting in acts of obedience according to James 3) and it was accounted to him as righteousness. Noah believed God and built a boat(act of obedience).

I think demons believe, but would never obey Him.

We have the wonderful opportunity to take the next step when we believe and act on our belief.

Obedience to a set of rules can bring stability to society and if carried far enought becomes "religion". Every "religion" of the world is defined by what you do or can't do.

Remember the Pharisees. They believed in God and obeyed His word to the best of their knowledge and better than anyone else in their day. But they were missing something, a critical element... which I believe is the most important ingredient of FAITH.

Relationship. I believe this is what our Father wants most, relationship with us. For me, it starts with coming to Him with belief, accepting His love, and in that love, obeying what He directs. For centuries, our Jewish brethren have seen and demonstrated obedience to the commandments brings blessings (Deut.). But FAITH hall of fame is full of those who obeyed not just the commandments, but specific direction such as "go to a land I will show you", "build an ark", "fight the Midianites", etc.

I learned from those who know Hebrew better than me that sometimes in the translation, things can get turned around. If we take Hebrews 11:1 and turn it around some, we get "the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen is faith". In other words, if I have a relationship with God and He has given me hope, but I can't see what I am hoping for, but I am walking in obedience to what He has shown me in my relationship with Him, THAT's FAITH".

I believe in our relationship with God, He wants to give specific instructions that bring HIS life.

Let me challenge you to examine what your are doing with respect to your religion. Is it a defined act such as singing in the choir, attending church every Sunday, etc. or are you moving in what has flowed out of your relationship with Him. Are you doing deeds (serving, giving, etc.) because you are supposed to or because He has confirmed His calling in your life and you are responding?

IHOP - KC

2007-11-26T21:21:00.000-08:00

Tonight was my first experience with IHOP – Kansas City.

I arrived about 8:15 pm local time and stayed until about 10:15 pm.

On the way there, I was pondering “how effective are we in prayer as the body of Christ today? Am I changing the world or falling into the trap of vain repetition and being religious because it is what everyone else is doing? Am I touching God’s heart in my time with Him? Am I hearing what He is saying?

I don’t know where my expectations came from, but they were WAY off.

I expected a large room with a small number of people (25-50) in a refurbished “church”.

I expected the average age to be over 45, with lots of grandmothers and gray hair (what prayer meetings were when I was growing up).

I expected soft music with “spiritual” prayers.

I expected a racial mix that reflected the community.

BUT…..

I found a store front in a strip mall that had been converted to a worship center.

I found 350-400 “young” adults (15-25) years old, very intense and intent on interceding for others with loud music (techno-pop style) and passion. I don’t believe there were more than 20 people my age there and I didn’t see anyone more than 5-7 years older than me (where is my generation in this gathering?).

I found an almost completely white group with a small sprinkling of Asians and almost no African Americans (what’s with that? Where are our brothers of color? Did we not reach out to them?)

As I heard the next generation pray, I heard them wanting God’s heart.

I was struck by the stark difference that my prayers had been for me and mine and theirs were all about others (true intercession).

I found a young man named Austin (18) who was humble and walked in grace, wanting to learn from the presence of the Lord. He is a student there and asked me what he could pray with me about. He smiled and said, “I have lots of time to pray”.

I wanted to challenge the room of young warriors to put action to their prayers and become judges, policeman, and community leaders to administer and represent the righteousness they were praying for. Then I realized they were taking the first crucial step to changing the world, pray.

I expected to be different when I left. I know a change in me is in progress as a result of my time there, but it isn’t the change I expected.

Motherhood

2007-06-24T15:12:00.001-07:00

I believe motherhood is one of the most honorable professions on earth. I also believe God has entrusted mothers with the formation of subsequent generations. Whom the Lord has honored, and has commanded us to honor, I too honor. To my wife, I thank you for giving life to our children, and giving your life, your wisdom, and most of all, your love to our children. You are the first ingredient required for them to fulfill their destiny.

Trust, the currency of relationships

2007-03-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

Whenever I see the word "know" in the bible, I think of the different levels we can know someone, from a cursory acquaintance to deep intimacy shared between a man and wife, where we are completely exposed and open to one another.

I have on my whiteboard here at work a quote from a conference I went to in the early 90's. "Trust is the currency of relationships". I have a scale drawn from 1 to 10, with 1 being "guarded caution, I don't trust you at all". 10 represents "I feel completely safe with you and am willing to share my innermost secrets". Level 10 is that place where relationship and intimacy are the deepest.

A coworker added that the currency is kept in "accounts" with withdrawals, deposits, and states of being overdrawn.

Here are the steps I have written down to build trust in relationships (making deposits):

1. Faithfulness. Keep our promises. Do what we said, when we said it.
2. Availability. Be there when we need each other.
3. Integrity. Mean what we say. Live in a state of wholeness, nothing hidden, nothing broken.
4. Understanding. Communicate clearly and completely to the point we share the experience.
5. Safety. I know you won't expose my flaws, shortcomings, and mistakes in a manner that is destructive.
6. Respect. We recognize the gifts God has given us and soberly judge with grace and mercy.
7. Time together.
8. Overcoming adversity together.

Blindness to Character issues

2007-02-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

Like Colorado, Jesup Georgia has recently experienced the fall of several key "annointed" church leaders. Several came to me in confusion and dismay. I was able to share with them some of the things we have learned like character is separate from gifting and knowledge is not an indicator of maturity. My question was "what are we being or doing that allows character to go undeveloped?". "How did we get to the place where the church accepts the fleshly lifestyle?" I believe part of the answer is that we have blamed things on Satan or the spiritual realm when the root cause has been our flesh, or our character. Things have been labeled "spiritual attacks" when it was our flesh and by moving the blame away from us, we haven't faced the difficult facts that our flesh stinks, is nothing but death, and God wanted to work on our character.

We are called to a life of sacrifice. When Jesus said, "do this in rememberance of me", I believe He was calling us to remember that His life was like grapes, that had once been fruit, were crushed and left sitting in the dark for a period before they became wine, something that lightens the heart, and celebrates life. His life was like wheat that was crushed and put through the furnace to become bread, living sustance for others. As long as bad things are someone elses fault, we don't have to die or become the sacrifice.

Lately, when I think of that word, I have asked myself "What died? or What was lost?". I recommit myself to living for others and living for Christ and laying down my desires, my wants.

Destiny of the Next Generation

2007-02-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

I am 44 years old.

I believe there have been two major "revivals" in the United States in my lifetime. One between 1969 and 1973 and the other between 1978 and 1980. I believe this because I frequently ask people near my age (within 10 years) when they became a Christian and the overwhelming response is in one of these time periods. I believe our country experienced a supernatural move of the Holy Spirit, an outpouring, that brought people into the kingdom of God and created within them a hunger for His word and His presence. Many have labeled this the "charismatic renewal".

Since then, we have seen localized outpourings of the Holy Spirit such as the Toronto Blessing (1994-1996), and the Pensecola revival at the Brownsville Assembly of God (1998-2000). The time periods I reference are what I believe to be the "height" of those events although meetings continued longer.

I know we, the generation of the charismatic renewal, have hungered for more of those outpourings. We have traveled many miles to "experience" the presence of God. We remember what it is like for the Holy Spirit to show up and do great things. We have tasted that the Lord is good and we want more. But we recognize that while those experiences were wonderful, they haven't been enough and we long for more.

It may be that God will bless us again.

But I believe "our time" is past. I believe what God wants to do now is in the next "generation".

I have two sons. Mark Alan is 20, Matthew is 19. As the children of the charismatic generation, they have been "raised in it". As a result, they inheritly know the difference between "church" and the "real thing", the manifest presence of God. And not surprisingly, they are not satisfied with what we call church, i.e, modern church in America. Some of them have been waiting patiently on the sidelines while we "had church", sitting in the back, disgusted with our "forms of godliness" without the power and the presence. Some are quietly serving in the paths their parents have laid. They learned these paths from us and they chose them because they know the world doesn't have anything to offer them. But they know there is more. The "stories" we shared have the echo of truth. But what we offer them today is empty and they recognize it.

To this generation, the generation of the children of the charismatic renewal, I call on you to press on past us. To no longer wait on us. what we said and what you know is true. It is there.

God wants you and is waiting for you. The hunger and thirst you have that crys out for reality in relationship with a living God is real.

We had it.

We know it is real, it exists, and we long to experience it again. You can have it and you don't need to wait on us to go get it for you.

It is there and God wants to fulfill His life in you.

To our generation: I call on you to facilitate what God wants to be for them. Tell them it is real. Tell them it is there to be experienced. Don't inhibit how God choses to meet them. To facilitate relationship for the next generation is what is left of your destiny. It will be your fulfillment.

I believe God wants to come again with revival like He did in 1969 and 1978. This time, it won't be localized. And He wants to do it through your generation!

Increasing our Faith

2006-10-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

Our pastor asked the question this weekend "How many of you have prayed to have your faith increased?" That has actually been the heart of my devotions for the last two weeks. Debbie and I have been praying for a friend in a difficult place. His daughter recently went on the missions trip to Ireland. Last week, the doctors gave him the diagnosis of ALS, (Lou Gehrigs disease) and he has been in the hospital for 10 days with pneumonia and an inability to swallow. They have given him a feeding tube. He hopes to go home today, but it has been a tough road.

Debbie and I have been going to visit them to help him and his wife and to pray for them, be with them, and support them in the battle. We lost two sons to a rare brain disease and spent 7 years fighting for their lives, so we are familiar with what they are going through now.

For years, I have considered the passage in Luke 17

5 And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.”
6 So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

I wondered what it took to have faith as big as a mustard seed because I wanted to see miracles in the lives of those around me. But I realized this week that Jesus may have been conveying a principle that faith has seed characteristics, i.e., it is planted, it grows, it has to be watered, good soil makes a difference, etc....So the Holy Spirit has been leading me to re-read the passages about seed and substitute "faith" for the seed. The revelation has been wonderful.

When I was in Georgia visiting my new granddaughter, I had a chance to share with a congregation that was struggling after a family in leadership (one of my best friends) who lost a child a few days old. The main passage was

6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ

I encouraged them to press on through this difficult period, that God's calling on their life had not been withdrawn, but they had been tested. Now is not the time to give up or quit. There are many victories still to be won and many hanging in the balance. I reminded them that they had been chosen, that God was not mad at them, and He loved them now more than ever.

As our pastor has pointed out, our troubles can help develop that faith if we faint not.

Press On!

the "Greater Works" of Jesus

2006-09-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

Jesus said we would do greater works than Him. I think christians and theologians have probably been wrestling with this since the disciples repeated it. I haven't studied this historically but I did have some revelation of it the other day.

First, what were the "works" he did? My first off-the-cuff answer is "healing the sick, casting out demons, and raising the dead" which are all pretty awesome things, but I am not sure our Father would say those are works that we do. As I have studied the Jewish tradition, I find works sometimes defined as "feeding and clothing the poor, caring for orphans and widows, and laying down you life for others", all of which I am sure Jesus personified. I would suggest this lifestyle was probably His strongest "fulfilling the law".

But how could our measly efforts come any where close to "greater"? Until Jesus' death and resurrection, Israel was still operating under the Mosaic covenant. And while their deeds may have been accompanied with the best of intentions, the fulfillment of Jeremiah 31, where the covenant was written on our hearts, had not been established, which causes me to wonder whether the good deed could have been born out of faith and motivated by love. I don't mean to question the hearts of our fathers since I surely don't know them, nor am I in a position to judge them.

But could it be that works motiviated by faithful obediance born from love qualify as "greater"? I believe everything Jesus did was born from an indescribable love, anchored in faith, and completely obediant to the heart of the Father. Maybe being lead by the Holy Spirit, walking in faith, and motivated by love qualifies our works as great.

As I examine my heart today, I know that I love the Lord with my heart, mind, soul and strength (haven't got the all part yet, but I am working on it). I am filled with the Holy Spirit and I am being obedient to the leading of His Spirit as best I know. What I am missing is having the Father's heart of love for those He has called me to serve.

Help Lord, please let me see people as you see them. Help me love them as you love them. Let me faithfully step out in obediance motivated by love.

How does the church "Get Ready"

2006-08-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

I have a tremendous respect for a dear friend of mine, Vaughn Clark, who I have known to operate in an extremely accurate prophetic gifting. He recently shared with me that he felt the word of the Lord to the Body of Christ these days is "Get Ready", along with a strong sense that we aren't ready for what God wants to do in our world.

I agree. But I asked myself the question, how do we get ready?

Here is what I need to work on that I think will help me get ready:

1. Live a crucified lifestyle. I have to get me off the throne and keep Jesus in charge. I have to sacrifice my desires on the altar and put his priorities ahead of my own. This means a life of ultra sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, and micro obediance (obediance in the smallest things or anything for that matter).

2. Build Community. I need to build relationships with other members of the body of Christ in such a way that we know each other, love each other, hold each other accountable, encourage one another. When difficult times come, it will be too late and I don't want to go it alone.

3. Walk out "loving my neighbor as myself". Highlands Ranch, Westridge, my workplace, all need the love of Jesus demonstrated in meaningful ways, not because I am trying to do something to please God, but because I genuinely love them, because the love of God is shed abroad in my heart.

Help Lord!

The precursor to miracles??

2006-08-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

As I was reading Luke 3, I had a question about what it meant to "prepare the way of the Lord". Looking at what John must have preached, I believe the central theme was "repent". The hebrew word would be TeShuvah which probably more literally means "return to the Lord".

It is obvious that the listeners where challenged to do the "works of repentance". When they asked what that meant, I believe John's answers fell into 3 distinct catagories.

A. Turn from selfishness. v. 11 says to give your extra tunic to the poor and do the same with food. Paying attention to those without causes us to get our eyes off ourselves and points us to what is at the heart of the kingdom of God, Loving our neighbors as ourselves.

B. Conduct ourselves righteously in business. To the tax collector, he said "Collect no more than is appointed for you"

C. To the Roman soldier, "Do not intimidate anyone or accuse falsely, and be content with your wages". My 21st century translation is "be a content servant". Interesting that Roman soldiers, i.e., gentile outsiders got in on the movement. I believe it is possible that these soldiers repented and carried the message of repentance to their next posting, like maybe Ephesus (Acts 19)?

So my conclusion is repentance, or returning to God, prepared the way for Jesus to come and miracles were released. Hearts were ready, lives were changed, and God moved.

This kind of war doesn't work

2006-08-08T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have heard that at the beginning of most wars, the loser insisted on fighting the previous war with the previoius tactics.

Israel in Lebanon and the US in Iraq are making this mistake now. They are attempting to fight a new type of urban war with the tactics from the previous wars. I don't believe tanks and bombed out buildings will acheive our objectives.

I believe we are now we are fighting an army without a government, a body without a head. The power is derived from popular consent based on a desperate people whipped into irrational frenzy by religious zealots.

To be successful in this war, I believe we must use a combination of new and old approaches.

1. Win the hearts and minds of radical Islamic symanthizers (the average muslim) with acts of compassion. We must do a better job of helping the desperate than the enemy and we must over communicate our efforts with the fervor of a Madison Ave. ad campaign. I believe the acts of compassion initiated by Hamas and Hezbollah opened the door of the heart of the average muslim to receive the messenger before receiving the message.

2. Along these lines, wage information war. Western, pro-democracy interests should be the prime advertisers on Al-Jeezera. Part of this effort must include redefining the "muslim politically correct".

3. Actively subvert imam's that teach hate and violence. Identify people of influence within the Muslim community. Work with Muslim leaders to remove them from places of influence and power. If this approach fails, treat them as we would someone who yells fire in a crowded theater.

4. Re-invest in human intelligence augmented with technology. Re-engage cold war tactics of the Intelligence commmunity. As Israelis pull back, leave an extensive array of listening devices and hidden cameras. Identify and reward those who would risk their lives to undermine Hezbollah and Hamas.

5. Declare it a place of honor to thwarte those who would perform terrorist acts.

As our heart breaks for the pain and loss of those in the war zone, it is not too late to plan on how to win the peace.

Update from Lebanon

2006-07-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

My friend Sue is from our neighborhood in Colorado and has been living in Lebanon for about a year. She has been helping refugees...

Here is her front line account of last night:

Before I went to bed on Thursday night ships off the coast were bombing the
neighborhood where I work and where my friends live. About 3:30am, I was woken
up by the call to prayer and jets flying overhead. I don't think I can
accurately tell you the terror that you feel when you hear them and your 8
story apt building walls shake as they fly overhead, not knowing where they
will hit. My roommate came into my room at that point and said that her team
was evacuating a short-term team of college students whose parents were going
nuts. She was told to pack a bag as well and that she might not be back. I
called my team leader and he was beyond worried about me staying by myself. He
asked if I could join them so I wouldn't be alone. On 4 hours of sleep in 2
days, I made the decision to ride to the border with them through a back way.
I had 5 minutes to put things into a suitcase and we were off.

At the border, my roommate, her team, and I decided to go back to Beirut. We
felt it was too premature to evacuate ourselves and had gotten the team of
short-termers off. I called my team leader to inform him that we were coming
back. He told us the events that took place in the early morning, I could hear
the bombs as we were leaving but had no idea of how extensive the damage had
been. He actually told me that he would prefer if I would head on to Jordan. I
told him that I preferred to head back and be with them. He demanded at that
point that I leave and told me he could not handle it if I had gotten a way to
the border and not left. It was probably the hardest decision of my life but I
did as he wanted and headed to Syria. I started to cry on the phone with him,
I was unable to say goodbye to his wife and children. I didn't say goodbye to
all of our friends either. I cried for the 9 hours it took to get to Jordan. I
really don't think I have ever had my heart ripped out like that before.

So, I sit here in the lobby of a hotel and cry as I write this. I have a ton
of emotion going on and of course I am exhausted. I am not sure if I can sleep
again. I am angry for what is happening to the city and people that I love(and
that no one is coming to help us), I am worried beyond belief for my friends
and nationals who can't leave, I feel guilty for being a rich american who
can. I think that I am also traumatized with how violent the past 3 days have
been. I am in the process of contacting a team here so I can stay with
someone. I don't know what will happen, how long I will wait here. My hope is
that in a week, I can return. Please pray for my team, my friends, and that
the violence against the civilians of Lebanon(60 dead now)will end. For peace.
It will only happen with all sides knowing the truth of God.

Here is an update from my team, power just went out and now communication will
be difficult with my team. I just got an update my teammate Sue which is
below. Please pray for them!
I be in contact as much as possible! Sue

> Hey, Suzann—glad to hear that you made it! Who are you staying with? How
was the trip?
>
> Ben & I made a Dahia run this morning to my house—it was pretty scary. As
soon as we got to Gallery Simaan, we realized that there is an anti-aircraft
gun right there and it started going off. I was thinking that we’d have to
hole up at the house, but then it stopped so we started pulling clothes and
food etc. together. Ben went out to the car with a load and the gun started
going off again and I thought he’d been killed! He said that he just about
had a heart attack! They’ve blown up the bridge to the Center and bombed Mar
Mikail Church area. Our natour said that it was like an American cowboy movie
last night. I’m sad that people there have no place to go.
>
> Then I headed back up to Mansourieh and Ben went to Hamra to get Pavel. He
said that that trip was a lot more peaceful. Now we’ve put Pavel on a taxi to
the Greek embassy. He will take a bus that his embassy & the Greek embassy
arranged to Damascus through the border up by Tripoli. It will take him right
to the airport runway and he’ll board a plane to Greece. So he says he might
just take a holiday there! It was good to get a chance to see him before he
left.
>
> Cecilia’s probably leaving tomorrow with a couple of other friends—they know
some backroads into Syria. I don’t want to leave before I have to but we’ll see.
>
> So that’s the latest. God’s got it all in his hands! I hope you’re doing
all right—that was a pretty traumatic way to leave.

"How we come to God" and "How we live on earth"

2006-05-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

Since my last posting, I have received several emails that strongly disagree with what I have written. I welcome the feedback and the challenge for me to dig deeper. My heart is open learn.

As I said earlier, misunderstanding what I mean is the most common response to just about anything I say these days. I am not trying to hide what I have learned nor am I trying to sprinkle orthodoxy in what I am saying. I believe what I have written whole heartedly and desparately lean on the grace and mercy I have spoken of. I do not have the seminary training to understand what is considered christian orthodoxy, but I do spend time with my New King James bible reading, praying, and seeking God.

I don't think Jesus replaced the Torah, I believe He is the living expression of it and when John said Jesus was the word made flesh, that is what he was referring to. If Jesus replaced the Torah, why did he continually quote it and why did he say the greatest commandments were to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves, which are the foundation of the Torah and direct quotes from it? I believe what Jesus railed against was all the rules and regulations set up by the pharisees that were "in addition to" the Torah. And those same rules and regulations slip back into modern christianity (or any religion for that matter), and cause some to think they are OK with God because they "do" certain things, like go to church every week, give offerings, sing in the choir or pray.

My attempt to understand these things began many years ago long before I encountered MJ. I started with the following questions…If the Torah only brought death, why does Psalm 119 say it brings life? Why does the old testament say over and over that following the commandments brings blessings? Why was Joshua told to meditate on the commandments and by doing so, he would have "good success"? If the Torah was fulfilled, it implies that it is ok for me to sin and I can be forgiven by the blood of Jesus. Saying the Torah only brings death, created a big inconsistency that I couldn’t reconcile. On the other hand, if I believe that by doing right things I can come into the presence of God and be accepted, I am walking in death. "Many will say we have cast out demons in your name..." and will be told, "depart from me, I never knew you".

I don't believe Jesus is “the temple”, I believe we are the temple and that the Holy Spirit lives in us. I don't see any scripture to support the whole earth now stands in the place of the physical Israel, but I haven't really studied it. I believe we have been made part of “Israel” in the sense we have become sons of Abraham by entering into a relationship based on faith and therefore are partakers of the covenants, especially from Jeremiah 31. I do disagree with what is called replacement theology, but I understand where that doctrine is derived. However, I don't believe that is a life or death doctrine.

Here is the biggest misunderstanding I have faced. I see religion trying to answer two big questions of "How we come to God?" and "How we live on the earth?" Judaism taught we come to God by obeying the commandments, and I wholeheartedly disagree. I couldn't and can't and I am not going to try to please God by doing things. To me, Jesus and the new testament teach me come to God by and through faith, but it is a faith that produces good works as James says. There is nothing I can do to obtain God's favor, I already have it because He chose me and paid the price for my sins through the sacrificial death of Jesus on the cross. Nothing I can do replaces that or is sufficient. That is my salvation. However, now that I am saved, "How do I live on the earth?", how do I relate to others? Our society has chosen the judeo-christian ethic as the foundations of our laws to have an orderly society and as the basis of what we say is right and wrong. We reverence the ten commandments, but everyone has a choice in how they live. Following those commandments don't get us saved, but they will keep us at peace and out of jail. I have a choice. I don't have to observe a day of rest every seven days, but if I don't, my body begins to break down and I am no longer productive. I don't have to circumcise my sons on the 8th day, but it is the biological time when clotting properties are their highest and it will prevent infections when they are adults. Neither one of those acts bring me closer to God or make me a better person, but I chose to do them.

With this perspective, it is certainly very easy to fall into pride or salvation by works. It is a slippery slope and easy to do, and makes me sad when I see it. It is very subtle. But I saw the same thing in the churches where we grew up, only the “works” were of a different slant as I mentioned above.

Yes, some of the things I believe probably contradict "christian" orthodoxy. On those things, I have really dug deep to understand what has been said on both sides and I continue to investigate.

Why the sacrifices?

2006-05-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

As I read the Torah, I have wondered "why all the sacrifices".

I believe it was to show us what the cost of our sin was. By seeing an innocent animal (lamb, dove, bull or goat) that we value perish because we ignored God or our brothers would cause us to think the next time before we gossiped, slandered, or forgot to seek Him first.

"Keeping the Law"

2006-05-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

The thing that is easily missed in my discussions below is an understanding that keeping the law has nothing to do with getting you closer to God, which is the whole point of Galatians. Jesus paid the price for us to have the relationship and when we believe and respond to what He did by asking forgiveness, we obtain the righteousness by faith demonstrated by Abraham and the fathers of faith. Keeping the law does not give you more "right standing" with God. We are empty, hopeless, and undone without His grace and mercy and Him reaching out to us to initiate the relationship, drawing us by the Holy Spirit unto Himself.

Keeping the Torah is for our benefit. It is like following the instructions on baking a cake. If you want the results of a delicious cake, follow the recipe. Leave out the eggs, and it is not the same.

The question on Matt 5:18

2006-05-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

Here is the original discussion on the law being fulfilled (via emails)

From my fiend ...

Hi Mark,

I am reading Matt. 5:18 this morning and want a Messianic point of view on this verse.

What does this verse mean? Obviously heaven and earth have not passed away yet, so what does it mean that not one letter , not the least stroke of the pen, will by any means disappear from the law until everything is accomplished.

We are living in grace now and I realize that grace does not abolish the law BUT, I am stuck on this one.

I know, deep within me, that the Messaniac foundation to the Christian life today is important. I do not have that foundation and may not get there but I see that you have a deeper knowledge of these things due to the foundation laid in you. Can you shed any light on this verse?

Thanks!

My response

Wow, thanks for the question.

I think our Christian context of grace is slightly mis-applied. Not to take anything away from the awesomeness of the grace that has opened the door for us to come to God and by which we are saved. Salvation is just the first step, albeit the biggest step of our lives. But from a hebrew perspective, there is no such thing as "the age of grace". Grace has always existed in the person of YHWH (most notably expressed in Jesus) but from I Peter, we know that Jesus preached to those in prison uring the time between His death and resurrection, so the opportunity for grace has been extended to all, before and after His resurrection. I see grace as the response of God to all who come to Him, recognizing our shortcomings, and in His great love, chooses to give us a chance to start over. We are forgiven (by His grace), but He still insists on Lordship, i.e., doing it His way. Grace does not excuse our shortcomings (the blood of Jesus paid the full price of those), but gives us another chance through the power of the Holy Spirit to start over. So how has He defined "His way"? -- very important question...

I think the hard part of this passage is our English word for "fulfill". We tend to see this in the past tense as something that was done. What I have heard from the hebrew perspective is that the word could have been translated "to stand up or established" as in right now, in the present, demonstrated clearly. So the passage might be read as "till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is 'caused to be established/stood up and demonstrated clearly'". Jesus's "fulfillment" was that he demonstrated every aspect of the Torah and he was the living expression of the Torah, loving God and loving his neighbor. But as only one completely walking in Torah, it will not pass away until all walk in Torah (establish God's word on the earth), i.e., loving God and loving our neighbor -- worldwide.

BTW, the jot and tittle are actually the small brush strokes on the end of the smallest hebrew letters. When a torah scroll was being created, if the rabbi missed one brush stroke, the whole scroll was discarded and they started over. The work that went into creating a torah scroll was huge. This level of effort and honor of God's word added tremendous power to what Jesus was saying to his listeners. They understood how important a Torah scroll was and he was affirming their honor and reverence for everything it said.

So in verse 19, his reference to not breaking a commandment, was a reference to keeping the Torah completely. WOW, kinda hard for modern christianity to swallow. We seem to have passed by that concept in the "age of grace".

Also, btw, the context of exceeding the righteousness of the Pharisees on the surface appeared hard, but underneath, he was saying those guys were way outside the Torah and they got it wrong.

Since I have been involved in the Messianic movement, I have begun to see everything Jesus said as clarifying how to live the Torah and never in contradiction to it. (see the next verses) This one concept has caused me to completely rethink the basic doctrines I accepted from my youth, especially grace, forgiveness, and "the law". I haven't abandoned any of them, I just have a different perspective of
them.

The misunderstanding's have been further entrenched by our (the church's)explanation of Paul's words regarding "the law of sin and death" and the whole discussion in Galatians. Paul was a rabbi and would have never referred to the entire Torah as the law of sin and death. The law of sin and death probably would have referred to the principle that if we live in sin, we die as we would refer to the law of gravity, if we jump off a building, we fall. The whole hebrew lifestyle taught the Torah brought life. Just as the law of gravity is part of the laws of physics, the law of sin and death are a part of the Torah, but not the whole meaning of the Torah.

I know I've answered more than you asked, and there is so much more I would like to share. Some of the perspectives of the Messianic movement are very disconcerting to christians, especially in this area. Thanks for your patience with my enthusiasm.

How MJ (Messanic Judaism) has affected me

2006-05-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

The following is the email response to a friend who recently asked the question above..

The first basic doctrine that I re-thought is the focus on eternity. Before MJ (Messianic Judaism), my favorite name for God was "I am" which meant to me "I exist in the right now, here, present as God". But every Sunday, all we talked about was eternity and how to get people to look to something we couldn't see and for which is really a great mystery. Think about it, we know very little about after this life. The scriptures that describe it are quite vague. When I began to see the bible as a book for the right now and to understand that God's plan for us to have "abundant life here on earth, not just eternal life in heaven", my whole reading of the scriptures and fellowship with God turned from an eternity focus to an earthly focus. I may have gone to far on the pendulum, but my world view is radically different and the life I have received from it has been wonderful. I'm certainly much happier and content.

The second applies to this incredible internal conflict I had as a Christian. While we preached grace and that the law no longer applied, I would read things like Psalm 119 where David says how much he loved the law and how it brought life and I couldn't reconcile the two. I knew internally that the bible had to be consistent and that I was missing something big. Once I read Galatians in the context I shared earlier, it all made sense and now appears "complete and consistent" to me. BIG relief and freedom. The change in my thinking was radical and I have had to re-examine almost every doctrine I have been taught in this new perspective. Many beliefs and things I thought were important have fallen away, like my insistence on "church" based worship and teaching, my understanding of repentance and how I come to God in prayer (I lived in cheap forgiveness without understanding the impact of my sins, even when forgiven), the way I have treated others, both believers and non-believers (I now have more respect for their life and its fullness), etc. Along with this, I have a whole new understanding of curses that I believe we in the church have totally missed the point. I could go on in this area for a while.

The third has been my understanding of prophecy. In this area, almost EVERYTHING I thought I knew has been discarded. The book of revelation makes more sense now than it ever did, but it is still a big mystery. I used to consider both the office of the prophet and the gift of prophecy as the most important gifts and functions to the body. I now consider them almost the least important. The big turning point was actually a combination of something John Paul Jackson said and my MJ teachings. He quoted Exodus where God said "I speak to men in dark sayings, but I speak to Moses face to face as a man speaks to his friend". Dark sayings in hebrew refers to things that aren't easily understood or meant to be understood. So we spend days and hours meditating/ruminating/discussing what prophecy could mean and God didn't intend for it to be clear. Not only that, he said the things he said to Moses (the Torah) were like talking to a friend or someone who understands. He said the Torah was light (the root word is aurah in Hebrew for light). It was clear and meant to be plain, understood, and lived by. Yet I had spent 1/100th of the time meditating on basic principles that bring life while most of my energy had been spent on something that would never be real clear.

If it was just the above, that was pretty big. But there is so much more...like the way we interpet the pronouns of Him and He in the NT, like "the Lord our God is one", like the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives, etc... I believe now that the Catholic church got it right is many areas that I completely missed and discarded such as the reverence and awe of God which I believe is rooted in the Torah and certainly the customs of hebrews. So my thelogical world was turned upside down.

The change has been so radical for me that now I hesitate to share with others and when I do, I hold back so much because I realize we are coming from such different perspective that I am easily misunderstood and if I am not careful, others are offended. As you have seen, the MJ movement seems to offend many quickly. I don't believe it is their heart to offend, but it is very hard not to. That is probably where your friend Marilyn is coming from. The other trap of the MJ's is incredible pride. "We have the true revelation and others are in the dark". It is deceptive and subtle, but it stinks terribly to those around (like not being able to tell you have B.O.)

I am not sure I have fully caught what I was trying to say about fulfilled. The point to me is that heaven and earth are pretty darn big and they aren't going anywhere any time soon as far as I can tell, and God wants to do so much more through the Torah and Jesus in us.

Being a better husband

2006-05-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

Last year for my birthday, I decided my goal for this year was to be a 10x better husband. I realized this morning, however, that I didn't know what that meant.

So I called my wife and said, "what does it mean for me to be a better husband". She answered in a way that surprised me. She said "I feel loved when...".

In her eyes, the number one thing for me to be a good husband is to make sure she feels loved. Certainly there is more to being a good husband. But now I know what is the most important to her. :)

So also replied, "this book may have some good ideas". My response was I don't really want to know what a book thinks, I want to know what you think. Each of us has a different take on what "what it means to be a good husband". From a man's perspective, providing for our family is number one and we often allow that "priority" to be so big, we ignore or excuse other important areas. We have to do that AND not ignore other important things (which is way easier said than done).

BTW, I got big points for just asking the question (SCORE!!! TOUCHDOWN, SLAM DUNK, GRAND SLAM, ACE)

My take on Immigration

2006-05-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

1. I believe LEGAL immigration is foundation for growth economically for our country and will provide the necessary base of labor for supporting our aging population.

2. Illegal immigration is wrong. Our country and it's future success depends on the rule of law. If you are here illegally, go home and do it right. We welcome you with open arms when you follow the rules. We invite you to come and welcome your contribution to our society. But if you broke the law to come, how can I expect you to honor the law when you get here?

3. The federal govt. must be prepared to manage a much larger influx of immigrants and congress should raise the quotas for entry and allocate the necessary budget for INS to do their job.

4. Illegal immigration is a failure of the executive branch to enforce the law. It is George Bush's responsibility to see to it INS has the resources to do their job.

Wedding Blessing

2006-03-24T05:23:00.000-08:00

Here is a copy of my notes used to bless my son and his new wife at their wedding. The actual words spoken were slightly different...Please forgive my hebrew spelling...

Mark Alan and Katie, March 18, 2006

The Blessing
Blessings are an important part of life. All of us in our innermost being desire the blessing of both our earthly fathers and heavenly father. In Genesis, there is the story of Jacob deceiving his father to obtain the firstborn blessing of his brother Esau, and Esau coming later, weeping and saying “Have you not reserved a blessing for me?” Issac proclaimed that the spoken blessing would stand, but proceeded to bless his son. Later on, before Jacob passed away, he spoke a blessing over all 12 sons and in doing so, confirmed their lives and foretold their destiny. In Deuteronomy, Moses also spoke a blessing over each tribe of the nation of Israel.

A blessing recognizes what God has already done in your lives and we speak with agreement to what we see God doing and what He wants to do. Each one of us has the authority to speak blessings or curses into the lives of our children and our spouses.

What I speak today stands in your lives and the lives of your children.

Today, you are making a public choice to enter into a covenant relationship. This one choice is not what will sustain your relationship. You will have to continue to make right choices. Choices to live lives of sacrifice, of putting the other person first, of pursuing God’s will, direction and His way of doing things.

Mark Alan you are the son of promise, a precious man of God that wants to do the right thing, but you have been easily influenced by those around you. I bless you to take your rightful place as a leader and a man of God that will not compromise, give up or back down on righteousness.

Katie, you are a precious young lady with a pure heart. I bless you to pursue wisdom and the kingdom of God with passion and zeal.

I bless you to continue to walk in humility and service, putting one another first.

I bless you to endure hardship as a good soldier. And as Jesus looked to the joy set before Him, he endured the cross and that you too would see the joy of your future.

I bless your minds to meditate on the word of God day & night, to know what is right, and to have His wisdom and knowledge.

I bless both of you to know God intimately, to know His heart, His love for you and His way of doing things.

I bless you to make right choices, choices of life, to choose His way of doing things.

Communion
On His last night with His disciples while celebrating Passover, Jesus took bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “Take eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me”.

In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood, This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.”

Today, in celebration of the covenant relationship between Mark Alan and Katie, we remember the covenant relationship we have with Jesus. That his body was broken for our healing, that his blood was shed as the payment for our sins, that we might enter into a covenant relationship with our Father. And we remember that Jesus sacrificed His life that we might have eternal life.

Baruch atah Adoni, Elohenu Melech ha-olam, Ha motze lechem min Ha-aretz. Amen
Blessed are you Lord our God, King of the universe, who brings forth bread from the earth.

Baruch atah Adoni, Elohenu Melech ha-olam, boreh pre hagaphen. Amen
Blessed are you Lord our God, King of the universe, who brings forth the fruit of the vine.

Baruch atah Adoni, Elohenu Melech ha-olam, boreh mineh mazonot. Amen
Blessed are you Lord our God, King of the universe, who brings forth various kinds of food.

Wedding Pictures

2006-03-20T12:07:00.000-08:00

Here are some photos from the wedding this weekend...

Weathered the Storm :-)

2006-01-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

We seemed to have made it through. Turns out Dad does not have lung cancer. They found this out after removing an entire lobe of lung. We are happily planning a wedding for my oldest son. And my younger son seems to be behaving better. My favorite movie quote is from "The Fifth Element" when Gary Oldman says "What doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger".

I also wanted to document as an original quote...

"The decision to do the right thing must be made repeatedly. The decision to quit only needs to be made once."

Challenging Times

2005-12-22T11:24:00.000-08:00

I know we go through seasons in life so I shouldn't be surprised by this current season. I would describe it as dark, stormy, and the times that challenge the hearts of men.

Starting two weeks ago, I learned that my father has lung cancer. My mother passed away in September (his wife of 45 years), so his grief, loss, discouragement have been tremendous. I had considered for years how we would take care of one parent if we lost one, but I had never considered losing both. I have just in the last six months had a tremendous breakthrough in my relationship with my father and have so enjoyed our times together. I have valued his friendship now more than ever. I really don't want to see him go through this struggle. I want so much to be there with him to encourge, support, and love. (He lives 1700 miles away).

On the heels of this, a business deal from over a year ago went bad and I now find myself with a $22,000 debt with no immediate way to fulfill. My wife of course was quite upset which made things harder.

On Monday night of this week, my 17 year old son chose to smoke pot at a party. Either the pot was laced with something or someone slipped him something in his drink and he almost died. We spent the night at the hosiptal trying to figure out what it was. He is ok now, but I don't think he really understands the danger he was in or the ramifications.

On Tuesday night, I picked up my 19 year old son at the Airport for Christmas. He informed us that his girlfriend was expecting and that they had decided to get married in a couple of weeks.

The good news is that we are all excited about having a new baby in the family. I am way to young to be a grandfather, but it is something I have always desired. I'm glad!

Looks like I will get the chance to put into practice the things I have learned in the last several years about walking in love? I hope so. I am very tired now. I have been up late with work the last two weeks and haven't slept much. Being tired has always been the biggest obstacle to walking in love. Looks like I need to schedule rest.

Press on.

Revelation in Relationships

2005-11-14T14:08:00.000-08:00

When revelation occurs in a relationship, it cannot be explained, denied, refuted, or supported by logic.

The revealation that your father loves you, how much you love your children or the love you have for your spouse are beyond words. And though no one else understands, you do.

I am not an unwanted, illegitimate child

2005-11-06T12:51:00.000-08:00

This year, Yom Kippor was not just a day of repentance, it began a season of repentance. For the last several weeks, I have felt the examination of my heart at every level, especially at the level of motives (not just "I was wrong about this", but "why" did I have the attitude that lead me to the wrong choice). I have seen pride, evil intentions, unforgiveness, anger, bitterness and attempts to cover up "who I really am" to name just a few. The cover-up was the most ugly, because it was rooted in pride that I was something more than I was, that others didn't really know these bad things about me, and it kept me from relationships with those who love me.

This season has been painful in a good way. I sense the end of this season may be near. I am now beginning to hear the message of love; that in spite of my wickedness, my God loves me and still wants to have a relationship with me. His decision to chose me was not based on my works, how good I am, or what I can or have achieved. I see that I have fallen so short, not only of His standard, but of what I could be. His has given me so much, with which I have been so selfish and I have not valued those gifts.

I have also recently re-read the Gospel of Matthew. And the theme of repentance was woven throughout. Jesus' words in red "repent for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand" followed by Matthew's words in black..."miracles, signs and wonders".

I am now convinced that the sequence of events is something like this...
prayer w/humility
repentance w/ lots more humility
revival, renewal, and fellowship.

I am not an unwanted, illegitimate child. I am a chosen son who endures the chastening of the Lord. Thanks Lord!

Unexpected deliverance and revival of the 2nd kind

2005-10-07T09:18:00.000-07:00

I listened to a tape this morning regarding prayer for revival. The speaker defined the concept of revival as "God supernaturally moves and a nation is changed". He stated that God moved when His people prayed.

Which brings to mind His comments to Moses at the burning bush. "I have heard the cry of my people".

The children of Israel were crying out for deliverance from slavery. But God had in mind much more. Not only would they be delivered, but a nation would be born and translated to "the land of milk and honey".

Unfortunately, to the children of Israel, the deliverence didn't look like that at first. A walk into the desert with no water and limited food. And then, their leader disappears on top of a volcanically active mountain for 40 days.

Sometimes the beginning of deliverance looks like a severe trial with an uncertain outcome. Even when it becomes clear the direction God may be taking us, there are still giants in the land.

I will not fear the wilderness. I will not fear the giants. I will trust in the Lord, be strong and very courageous. He is my God and I am his son.

One other note regarding "revival of the 2nd kind". We cry out for deliverence from what is sometimes the result of sin. "Lord I'm sick, please heal me", "Lord, please bring financial deliverance", "Lord please give me a better job". I believe God wants to deliver us from the sin that caused the situation we find ourselves in after sin. This is the 2nd wave of revival!

Confusion with the data... or the conclusion

2005-10-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

This morning, Harry Reid on CBS This Morning slammed the government for not being able to present a clear and concise conclusion from the evidence gathered in the Iraq about a possible terrorist plot against the subways in New York.

While the NYPD and NY division of the FBI have concluded that there is clear evidence and they have acted on it, the Dept. of Homeland Security as said the evidence is of doubtful credibility.

So which is it, credible or not...and how do we respond.

My guess is that DHS made their conclusion because spikes and slumps in communications traffic have occurred just prior to an attack and they haven't seen this correlation from the single source in this case.

NY sees the evidence as a fully planned operation and can't afford not to react, even if other evidence does not exist. To have a valid suspicion, not react, and then have an incident would prove disasterous for careers, not just the lives of those affected by the incident. "Better safe than sorry"

I believe both governments have acted responsibly. The DHS saw the evidence and drew a conclusion. Then they turned over the evidence to those that would be affected and let them draw their own conclusion, which in this case was different.

Woe to us, when we let the government draw our conclusions for us!

Where is the name found?

2005-10-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

"And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire" Rev. 20:15, NKJV

"May your name be found in the Book of Life" - Rosh Hashana Greeting.

In thinking about names, I believe names in the Old Testament were representations of character. When Abraham experienced God's character as provider, he called Him Jehovah Jireh. After making Moses the promise "I will put none of these diseases upon you" in Exodus 15, He said, "for I am Jehovah Rapha", the Lord who heals you. Jacob's name (supplanter) was replaced with Israel, etc.

So another way to consider the above, is "May your character be consistent with God's principles outlined in the Torah and demonstrated in the life of Jesus".

Why the destruction?

2005-09-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

Why did some New Orleans residents rape, murder and pillage in
the wake of Hurricane Katrina?

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050903/ts_nm/mayhem_dc

Why did some Palestinian residents destroy the greenhouses and
irrigation systems left behind by the Jewish settlers that would
have provided jobs and export income for a fledgling country?

http://www.mg.co.za/articlepage.aspx?area=/breaking_news/breaking_news__international_news/
&articleid=250818

Why are Iraqis bombing each other?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050914/ts_nm/iraq_dc

"Why" is a difficult question to which I rarely find the answer.
But from this place of contemplation, I can easily recognize what
I should learn and how I should live in response to those lessons.

I recognize the dreadful acts of the sinful human nature. I
recognize that without authority, depraved men will run wild
in their passions of lust, greed, and destruction. In the vacum
left by disasters, withdrawals, or government collapse, the
sin nature consumes and destroys. Where light does not shine,
darkness prevails.

I recognize that not all people are participating in such horrendous
acts and that most people are decent. They love their families,
they respect their neighbors, and they want a better life. And
that I can't assign blame to a group of people for the acts of
a few. My stand for righteousness (doing the right thing) is a
stand with those who are incorrectly categorized with the evil
doers, but are themselves victims of the madness. I will not
blame New Orleaneans, Palestinians, or Iraqis.

What we ask of our governments is simple, basic protection and
the establishment of order. But government is not the final
answer to the heart issues of man.

The acts that get drowned out by the sensational journalism
of destruction and despair are the acts of love and
responsibility. We have seen some of those stories in our
news, and are touched by the generosity of the kindhearted.
It is at the personal level where we can touch those next to
us with kindness, love and mercy.

The erruption of violence and terror did not begin last night,
last week or last year. It has been simmering in the cauldrons
of men's hearts, waiting for expression. The opportunity to
quell the evil passions was passed by when we were too busy
or to distracted by our daily lives to love our neighbor or
to stand for justice.

When we wait, we loose.

The lesson I take away from the headlines today is to
love now.
Don't wait to love my neighbor. As I walk in the light and
love and take responsibility for the welfare of my brother,
hearts can be changed before they become consumed by the
nature that wants to destroy us.

Friends at the Finish Line

2005-06-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

Part of the great cloud of witnesses that joined me at the finish line to celebrate. I am so thankful for the prayers and support of friends like these!

Monarch Pass looking South

2005-06-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

This is one of the reasons we ride... The view from Monarch Pass looking south.

At the top of Monarch Pass

2005-06-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

Success after the climb up Monarch Pass. I made this one all the way. It wasn't as hard as Grand Mesa.

After Day 2 and Grand Mesa Pass

2005-06-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

After Day 2 and the gruelling climb up Grand Mesa Pass. I am proudly showing off my tatoo of TEAM DFL which was a group of riders who realized they would be Dead .... Last.

I made 81 of 91 miles. I rode the SAG wagon the last 10 miles up the hill.

2005-06-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

So I made it and lived to tell about it. It was an amazing event, and much much harder than I imagined. Even though I followed the training schedule for preparation, that was not enough. I went much further physically than I had ever done by a long shot. The climb up Grand Mesa Pass was more than gruelling. It took more than I had...

So here are some pictures...

This is the ride on the first day up Colorado National Monument.

Close to the start

2005-06-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am just a few days before the big start and I am a little nervous. I have been most concerned about the second day with 5000 ft vertical climb up Grand Mesa Pass. I practiced it several weeks ago and got about 4 miles up the 18 mile climb. The total miles for that day will be 91 with over 40 downhill. Did I train enough? I followed most of the recommended training, but not all of it. And besides being a rookie with RTR, I am really a rookie bike rider (right at 1000 miles total riding in my adult life). So I guess it is ok to be apprehensive.

Saturday I rode about 17 miles with an experienced biker in Deer Canyon in the rain. The rain and cold was miserable, and the climb was steep. He, of course, did much better than I. He encouraged me to take it at a slower pace instead of stopping more often to catch my breath. Once I did that, it helped.

I have a lot of friends cheering me on and praying for me. I am very appreciative of that.

There is really no way of knowing what a test will be like until you get there, no matter how much you have studied and prepared. There is nothing like the experience itself. And it is in the place of the experience that the mind games are the most intense.

I am making a commitment ahead of time to not give up. But with other physical trials, I know my body screaming in agony during the test is much louder than the commitments I made ahead of time.

Ride the Rockies - Spiritual Lessons

2005-06-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

In November of 2004, I saw a documentary on the 2003 Ride the Rockies - 2000 people riding bicycles through the Rocky Mountains and camping out every night. It looked like great fun!!! So I decided to give it a go... having never done long range bike riding or biking of any kind for that matter. So that says something about me. I am the type of person that decides to do something and does it in a BIG way. My siblings say I tend to choose the hard way to do things.

Not long after my training began, I realized that this was as much a spiritual set of lessons as physical. So I am going to post some things I am learning and I hope it is beneficial...

Ride the Rockies Update - Patching Tires

2005-06-07T07:20:00.000-07:00

Today, I began the process of "patching" my first tubes. This last weekend was supposed to be the big training push two weeks before the ride began. So after my 70 mile ride on Saturday, I awoke Sunday morning to a flat front tire. No worries, I bought a spare tube just for this circumstance.

Changing a tire tube requires a special tool just to get the tire separated from the rim. Getting to the root cause of problems in our lives may require "revealing" the unseen with special tools.

It is amazing how such a small hole can completely shut down your bike ride. The holes are almost microscopic. To find the hole, a tube is filled with air and submerged in soapy water. The location of the leak is revealed by bubbles formed from the air escaping the tube.

Spiritually, we can have tiny leaks that others (or even ourselves) can't see unless we are put under pressure and submerged in an unnatural environment.

The patching process begins with "roughing" up the area around the hole with sandpaper. I suppose it is like having a wound iritated to prepare the area for healing.